I'm sorry I had to cancel Monday's date with Airy. I think I'll give her this, instead.

FIVE WAYS AIRY AND DEB GET IT ON

1. Airy likes girls. So does Deb.

2. Airy is a street cat and Deb is her mate.

3. Airy is an evil death eater, but Deb loves her anyway.

4. Stalked through the dungeons by a wild beanbag chair, Airy and Deb have no choice but to come to terms with their differences and work together to survive. Featuring sharp, pointy rocks of doom, rabid furniture, drunken mops, and kisses in broom closets.

5. Deb is an underage Victorian prostitute with a shattered past and two teeth. Airy is a cross-dressing French viscount with a book collection of first edition Marquis de Sades and a gargantuan, enormous accessory. TOGETHER, THEY FIGHT CRIME.

Hey Airy: Guess where the first four came from?

P.S. I will write one of these for you. Um, um. It doesn't have to be us, though. It can be, like, Cooke and Litman. Or something.