I have to update from the realm of broken hearts.

I liked my freshman seminar teacher. I was developing a crush. Then he was gay. So I kind of giggled at myself-- liked a gay guy again, ahahahhaha.

Recently, I've been nursing a growing excitement for a class called Literature and Politics: Imaginary Worlds in the Internet and Literature that I shot off an e-mail to the professor, begging him to allow me to take it even though I was a first-year and hadn't taken any of the recommended prerequisites. "Sure!" was his reply.

Just so you know, the course summary?

We will study the tradition of imagined worlds in Western culture, with its mystique of utopia, social engineering, escapism, and selectiveness. Readings will include Thomas More, George Orwell, J.R.R. Tolkien, and J.K. Rowling; Jorge Luis Borges' works will be our methodological guide to the worlds of the Internet that, for the purposes of this course, may include Second Life and Postsecret.

How can I not love the mind who wrote that? On ratemyprofessors.com, he's one of the most highly rated professors in the country. Post after post of girls gushing about him, his classes, his Russian accent.

So I went off to see his freshman seminar course on Harry Potter. It was a way for me to judge his teaching style, was he really as hot as everyone said, as funny and cute.

"I grew up in a poor country--Russia-- and I remember we had to walk 7 miles in the snow to reach for the TV remote..."

He mentioned his Lit & Pol class, the one I desperately want to take. "You will be exposed to arduous torture."

Oh please, I prayed to him silently. Torture me all you want. I'm yours!

.....

He's gay. I just found out.



I mean, okay. I just have a little crush in my mind. I wasn't planning on ambushing him and forcing him to marry me. It's totally irrelevant to me whether he is or not. I'm not madly in love with him, and I definitely wouldn't go after a teacher (nor would a teacher go after a student, at least a non-skeezy one.)

But! This happens every time. It is not funny anymore. People that I like, that I think I could be attracted to: Mr. Silverman (only a little... okay, a lot.) , Lee (A LOT A LOT), Freshman Seminar Teacher (a little) , and now Cute Russian Teacher (sudden infatuation!). I feel as though most of the guys I am attracted to are gay. My gaydar sucks!

Seriously. Why am I a girl? Why?