I guess I was lying when I said I wouldn't write in this blog again, because in what I think of as my "Japan blog" I post pictures and talk about new experiences and basically just act like a big tourist, complete with pictures of food and landmarks and all. Then I handed out the link to my friends like candy and now I don't feel comfortable writing about my "feelings" in that blog.
To sum up: Yes I'm happy to be here, Yes I had a good day, Yes I've made (good) friends here, Yes Yes Yes to all of that. I'm happy to be here. I had a wonderful day with wonderful friends. I ate delicious food. I splashed around in Japanese baths. I am so happy that it's only when I turn off my lights and get into bed at night to sleep that I let myself really think, and no matter what I think I can't shake off the haunting feeling that I left something really important back home, that I'm empty without it. It makes me very upset. For the last three or four nights I've been crying a bit before I go sleep. It's not necessarily sobbing, more like just tears and sadness. Add that to my tension with my host family and I'm like a water factory of anguished insecurity.
If this is homesickness I'm afraid of what I'll be like in three months.
P.S. If I'm brave I'll upload this to my other blog.
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3 comments:
Yo
Eugh homesickness is the worst. But gradually it DOES go. But while you're going through it, it sucks.
When I moved to Korea first, I moved with friends and we were so homesick we stayed in the same bedroom together for a MONTH. You do whatever you need to make yourself more comfortable until you forget to be sad at night :)
Ring home lots and keep in contact as much as possible. Before you know it you'll forget you ever felt that way.
So are you not updating this blog anymore? :(
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